The Nostril


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Episode 35 — The Nostril

Last time on Star Trek: Door Repair Guy:


     "Klingons!  Klingons!"
     "DaSpu'nachDu'!"  ["Bootspike-heads!"]
     "SuH.  DISuv."  ["Let's fight them!"]

     Borath appears.  He holds up a letter.
     "I carry a reply to Odo's message."

     A hand reaches out of the gateway, grabs the front of DRG's
overalls, and yanks him in.


And now this week's exciting instalment:


     The camera moves in on a space battle.  We see an agile,
water-beetle-shaped Jem'Hadar warship literally running circles
around an ancient heavily-damaged Klingon K't'inga-class battle
cruiser.  Beams of phaser fire criss-cross between the two
vessels.  The Klingon's hull is scorched black in countless
places.  Blossoms of fire burst forth across the Klingon's
engineering section as the Jem'Hadar ship makes a strafing run. 
The Jem'Hadar swings past the far side of the Klingon cruiser,
releases a volley of photon torpedoes, obscures our view for an
instant as it comes around the near side, and as it flies out of
the shot we see the torpedoes impact on the K't'inga's forward
command section, blowing out one whole side of it and sending the
Klingon ship spinning.  No sooner has the scattering debris
twisted past than the camera begins to draw us away, the sounds
of war (metaphorically) diminishing, and we take one more
backward look at the Klingons fighting gamely on before we are
hurried and sped past streaking stars to a second point in space
several light-years ahead, where two Klingon vessels, a K'Vort-
class Bird of Prey and a state-of-the-art Vor'cha attack cruiser
lie nose-to-nose.  A discrete eavesdrop of their communications
channels reveals the nature of the stalemate: a Klingon staring
contest between Gowron on the Vor'cha and, on the K'Vort, the
youngest sister of Lursa and B'Etor, Marguerite Duras.  We draw
away again and speed back the way we came, at last coming to a
multitude of Jem'Hadar vessels holding station around the USS
Defiant.  We close in on the Federation ship lying calmly in
space with its navigational lights blinking, check our oxygen,
and prepare for the editorial cut to the bridge.
     Admiral Nechayev is walking in a very close circle around a
rather uncomfortable Odo, pinning him with her gaze, as Commander
Benjamin Sisko paces the other direction in a wider circle with
his arms crossed and his finger over his mouth, observing them
both.  The Admiral speaks:
     "Have you been in contact with the Founders long?"
     "We have had some . . . dealings."
     "Of what nature?"
     "Of a personal nature."
     "Please explain."
     "I believe I said that they were *personal*."
     "Constable, I wonder if you are aware of how tenuous your
position at Deep Space Nine really is?"
     Sisko: "Odo.  The Admiral is concerned about possible
security breaches.  Surely you can put her mind to rest on that
count."
     "We-l-l-l-l.  It's against my better instincts, but . . .
postcards."
     "Postcards?"
     "We send each other postcards."
     "Why?"
     "Because we're family."
     "Show me one."
     He pulls one out.  She takes it and looks at it, picture-
side first, then message side, then over and over again, looking
for a secret message.
     Close-up of the postcard in her hands.  On one side is a
picture of the Great Link at night.  On the other is the message 
"Wish you were here" in large loopy handwriting.
     Sisko: "That's an interesting stamp."
     Odo: "Grrr.  Stamp collectors."


     We approach a planetary system.  The great bulk of a gaseous
giant fills the upper half of the screen.  A jagged asteroid
rolls by, revealing the words:


               Star Trek: Door Repair Guy


     A tiny companion moon tumbles after, revealing the word:


                         Starring


     We close in on a planetoid, and as the mottled surface
speeds across the screen we read:


                    Door Repair Guy as
                         Himself

                    Avery Brooks as
                    Commander Benjamin Sisko

                    Rene Auberjonois as
                         Odo

                    Terry Farrell as
                    Lieutenant Jadzia Dax

                    Nana Visitor as
                         Major Kira

                    Robert O'Reilly as
                         Gowron

                    Sara Gilbert as
                    Marguerite Duras

                    Kevin Conway as
                    Emperor Kahless

                    Robert Herron as
                    Kahless the Unforgettable

                    Natalia Nogulich as
                    Admiral Nechayev

                    Harvey Kietel as
                         Klank

                    Dennis Christopher as
                         Borath

     Okay, we're about to crash.  Lemme think a minute.  Why do
things crash?  Because they weigh something.  So . . . what if we
had no weight?  We couldn't crash!  The ship's equipped with an
interior artificial gravity net.  So all we have to do is tie it
into the warp core and crank it down to zero.  Below zero.  As
far below zero as we can.  Here goes!
     We crash.


[Commercial: Patrick Stewart:
     "When the engineers at Porsche's shuttlecraft design centre
showed Starfleet Command the specifications for a radically new
dilithium-efficient warp-eight runabout, they had only one
concern: how long would it last in the hands of Benjamin Sisko?"
     Rapidly cut shots of a runabout streaking past under Romulan
fire, jolting and dodging around weird spatial anomalies, glowing
red-hot as it streaks low through a planetary atmosphere,
flipping and twirling around Jem'Hadar fire, and at last emerging
from the Bajoran wormhole.
     A round Cardassian airlock door rolls open and Sisko
emerges.  He does that smile/snort/shrug thing and walks off.] 


     A glowing rectangle stands in a glade somewhere deep within
a murky forest.  Marguerite Duras steps through it, assumes a
fighting posture, glares this way and that, and snarls.  The next
moment the Emperor Kahless emerges.  He looks around, puts a hand
on her shoulder and whispers, "ngem Hurgh."  ["The Dark Forest."] 
They wait a moment, then Marguerite paces back to the gateway,
reaches through, and yanks Door Repair Guy in with her.
     DRG: "SAtlhej 'e' boneH'a'."  ["Oh, you wanted me to come
along?"]
     Marguerite: "petaQ."
     DRG: "nuqDaq mapawpu'a'."  ["Where did we wind up?"]
     Kahless: "Sto-Vo-KorDaq He."  ["The Road to Sto-Vo-Kor."]
     DRG: "bIng KoSbIy.  bob Hop.  wa'SaD Hut'vatlh loSmaH
chorgh'a'."  ["Bing Crosby.  Bob Hope.  1948?"]
     Marguerite: "bIlughHa'.  DaH qaHoH'a'."  ["Wrong.  Should I
kill you now?"]
     Kahless: "chaq ghaH wIlo'."  ["Perhaps we'll need him.']
     DRG: "chaq tulo' tlhIH."  ["Perhaps you'll need me."]
     Marguerite: "Grrrrrrr."
     Kahless (assuming a hunting posture and starting off):
"yIghoS."  ["Come on."]
     They disappear among the twisted trunks.


     The shattered bridge of the embattled K't'inga cruiser. 
Klingons stagger around, dragging fallen girders out of the way
or fighting burning consoles.  In the midst of this appear
several dozen Jem'Hadar who immediately set on the Klingons in
hand-to-hand combat.
     Cut to the galley.  A Jem'Hadar appears and vapourizes the
cook.  The assistant cook pulls a two-handed carving knife out of
its sheath and impales the intruder, who falls with an angry
shout.  She snatches up the Jem'Hadar's weapon and looks for the
next opponent.  All around her Jem'Hadar and Klingon kitchen
staff are locked in a life-and-death struggle.  We see a Klingon
drive a shrimp fork into a Jem'Hadar forehead.  The assistant
cook pauses to examine the body at her feet, takes hold of a
device strapped to the bicep, and disappears in a transporter
effect along with the body.  The camera sweeps across the floor
to another Klingon who has seen this while pounding his enemy's
head into the deckplate.  The Klingon grins, grasps the
unconscious Jem'Hadar's transporter control and similarly
disappears.


     The bridge of the Defiant.
     Nechayev: "Tell me, Constable, just what was the content of
the message you sent the Founders?"
     Odo: "I told them that I was among friends and that if they
wanted my cooperation they should treat you as such."
     "What sort of cooperation did you have in mind?"
     "Admiral, you have spent enough time drawing up peace
treaties to recognize that the ultimate objective of Federation
policy is security through peace."
     "Oh, so you're trying to set Federation policy now?"
     "No.  I'm trying to set Dominion policy."
     Dax: "Admiral, one of the Jem'Hadar ships has just broken
formation and has gone to warp."
     Sisko: "Toward the wormhole?"
     Dax: "No, the other way."
     Sisko: "I wonder what that means?  And where is that Borath? 
I thought he was beaming over."
     Nechayev: "Defiant to Jem'Hadar flagship.  What's the hold-
up?"
     Borath appears on screen.
     *There is no hold-up, my lady.  Merely arrangements to be
made.  I am authorized to invite you all to the Founders'
homeworld as our guests.*
     "And if we decline?"
     He gives a very Italianate shrug and makes a gesture.  His
image is replaced by that of the Jem'Hadar squadron.
     View of the Defiant and the Jem'Hadar ships turning as a
group and heading for the Homeworld.


[Commercial: Snapple:
     "Nog, son of Rom, writes: 'If Snapple is so great, why can't
I get it in tulaberry?'"
     Shot of delivery men stacking flats of tulaberry Snapple on
Quark's bar while Quark's staff run around in a panic, and Quark
shouts, "I didn't order these!  Where's the packing slip?  Let me
see that way bill!  I've got the tulaberry franchise in this
sector!  Just wait until my lawyer hears about this!"]


     The forest.  Kahless comes around an enormous tree-trunk and
glances above and to both sides.  He examines the rough bark and
the thin red vines running up through the crevises.
     "tarpochmey tIHotQo'."  ["Don't touch the poisonous vines."]
     From behind: "Ouch!"
     Kahless advances, then Marguerite, rolling her eyes, and
finally Door Repair Guy, rubbing one hand with the other.


     The battle site.  The K't'inga cruiser lists helplessly
under the triumphant gaze of the Jem'Hadar ship.  A second
Jem'Hadar vessel decloaks and coasts up to the scene of the
action, coming to a complete stop beside its comrade vessel. 
Suddenly the running lights of the Klingon ship come on and it
rotates toward the new arrival.  The Jem'Hadar newcomer turns
sharply and locks weapons on the Klingon -- and is blown to
smithereens by the other Jem'Hadar.


     The Defiant speeds toward the Founders' homeworld in the
company of fifteen Jem'Hadar ships, the stars streaking past.  We
see two of the Jem'Hadar break formation and veer away.  Cut to
the bridge.
     Sisko, looking at the viewscreen: "Something's going on."
     Nechayev: "What is the status of that communications relay
we established on this side of the wormhole?"
     Sisko: "Still operational.  I believe the Dominion decided
they would rather monitor it than destroy it."
     Nechayev: "Call home."
     Sisko: "Dax."
     Dax: "Connecting."
     Major Kira pops up on the viewscreen.
     Kira: *Commander.  Is everything all right there?  Have you
made contact with Gowr**fzzt**
     Dax: "Transmission interrupted."
     Sisko: "Gowron is here in the Gamma Quadrant?"
     Shot of Admiral Nechayev thinking galacticopolitically.
     Nechayev: "This changes everything."
     Odo: "You believe it's Gowron who wishes to forge an
alliance with the Founders?"
     Sisko (stepping forward): "That may well be.  But do you
really think that the Founders care which Klingon faction they
have in their pocket?  Every bit of evidence we've had up to this
point suggests that the Dominion doesn't make allies.  We've been
dazzled by the idea that somebody else might gain the
interdimensional gateway, but, really, do the Founders need it? 
They seem to come and go at will, and they already have access to
a perfectly good gateway: the Bajoran wormhole.  If Gowron and
the leader of the Duras party are both here in the Gamma
Quadrant, it's only a matter of time --"
     Nechayev: "Before the Founders seize the opportunity to
decapitate the Klingon Empire.  I think our priority now is to
find Gowron and get him home.  The Alpha Quadrant doesn't need
another Klingon civil war."
     Odo: "It may take some time to shake thirteen Jem'Hadar
escorts."
     Dax: "Make that ten.  Three more have just veered off,
headed for the same destination as the others."
     Sisko: "Dax, use our sensor logs to triangulate the
destination of those ships."
     "Already done.  Do you think Gowron is there?"
     Sisko: "At this rate it shouldn't take long before we find
that out."
     The camera closes in on Dax's computer schematic of the
paths of the departing escorts and the red dot where their flight
paths converge.
     Cut to the coordinates of the red dot.  Jem'Hadar vessels
veer this way and that in a vicious dogfight.  Explosions burst
in space.  The heavily-damaged K't'inga-class battle cruiser
rotates in the centre of the melee firing phasers into passing
vessels.  A wounded ship twists and tumbles past the camera. 
Fade to commercial.
     

[Commercial: RCA:
     Picard's ready room.  The door opens and the two black and
white RCA doggies pad in and sniff around.  The larger dog
balances on its hind legs and begins a hopping two-legged dance,
trying to see the fish in the fishbowl.  The little dog gets up
on the chair and watches.  The door opens and the dogs scamper
out around Picard's legs.  The Captain goes to his desk, tugs on
his waistband, and sits.  It takes a second for reality to soak
in.  He yelps, leaps up, and turns to look at the seat of the
chair.  
     "Blast!"]


     The Dark Forest.  Kahless, Marguerite Duras and Door Repair
Guy advance stealthily.  Suddenly there is a crash of snapping
twigs.  The two Klingons swing around and assume fighting
postures.  DRG snatches up a dead branch, throws it down again,
and rubs his hand, pouting.  Klank comes charging up, his eyes
filled with triumph.
     "qeylIS.  batlh jIHeghta'.  Habbe' QuchwIj."  ["Kahless!  I
have died with honour!  My forehead is not smooth!"]
     And it's true.  There's no sign of Doctor Bashir's
positronic lobe.
     "qaHoy'.  SuvwI'na' SoH."  ["I congratulate you.  You are a
true warrior."]
     "jIQuchbej."  ["I'm so happy."]  [Pun alert.]
     They slap him on the back.
     Kahless: "DaH tlhIanganpu' tImuv."  ["Now join the others."]
     Klank crashes off through the underbrush.  The camera moves
in on Kahless' face as he watches Klank go.
     Kahless (under his breath): "loD Do'."  ["Lucky man."]
     DRG: "ghochDaj Sovlaw'.  chaq wIthla'."  ["He seems to know
where he's going.  Why not follow him?"]
     The two Klingons get ready to go, then don't.
     Marguerite: "maHeghbe'.  nulaj'a'."  ["We aren't dead.  Will
they accept us?"]
     Kahless: "jISovbe'.  'ach tlhIngan maH."  ["I don't know. 
But, we are Klingon."]
     Marguerite: "ghaH."  ["And how about him?  He's not Klingon. 
He'll take some explaining."]
     Kahless examines DRG and thinks.
     "Saj'a'."  ["A pet?"]
     DRG: "chope'chugh vaj 'Iw vInobbe''a'.  chotIchchugh vaj
venIS Suy vIjatlhbe''a'."  ["If you cut me, do I not bleed?  If
you insult me, do I not quote the _Merchant of Venice_?"]
     Marguerite: "SeyqSpIyr.  SeyqSpIyr luvuv."  ["Shakespeare! 
They respect Shakespeare."]
     Kahless: "maj.  tlhobchugh vay' vaj SeyqSpIyr Soh.  Ha'." 
["Good.  If anybody asks, you're Shakespeare.  Let's go."]
     DRG:  "pa'Daq vIghoS.  vIneHbejbe'.  Qu'.  Su'.
            vaj joHpu'chaj yabDu' lob toy'wI'pu'."
          ["Thither I must, although against my will,
            For servants must their masters' minds fulfill."]
     [_The Comedy of Errors_, ActIV, scene i, lines 112-113.]
     Exeunt.


[Bob:
     "Back to Star Trek: Door Repair Guy in a moment.  Don't
forget, right after Door Repair Guy we've got Hard Copy on CHRO,
and this evening they're giving the OJ trial a rest, because the
whole show is devoted to the world-shaking exclusive coverage of
the William Shatner assassination attempt, and here's just a
taste."
     Home video footage of Shatner pacing the stage at the far
end of the Westin Hotel ballroom.  He waves and heads for the
door on the service corridor side of the room.  The image freezes
and a circle appears around a Klingon security guard entering the
service corridor from a door halfway down the ballroom.
     Cut to service corridor security camera.  We see the tops of
the heads of Shatner and two handlers as they enter the service
corridor from below the camera.  There's a shout.
     Closed caption: "Qugh yIqaw."  ["Remember Kruge!"]
     Disruptor fire streaks through the camera shot as Shatner
and the two handlers hit the floor.
     Cut to the security camera over the Klingon's door.  We see
the head and shoulders of the assailant as he fires.  A hand
reaches into the shot and pinches the Klingon's neck.
     Closed caption: "Spock!"
     Shatner gets to his feet and brushes off his trousers. 
Nimoy enters the shot and Shatner goes to embrace him.
     Closed caption: "Captain.  Not in front of the security
cameras."
     Cut to Bob.
     "Back to Door Repair Guy" -- he looks at his TV -- "right
after this."]


[Commercial: Snapple:
     "Here's a letter from Alexander Rozhenko.  He writes: 'My
father says that prune juice is a true warrior's drink.  Why
can't you get prune Snapple?'
     Cut to Worf's calisthenics programme.  In an astonishing
display of maritial arts skill he bisects, decapitates, and/or
disembowels a series of opponents, and is about to cleave the
Snapple delivery-man in two when he spots the label on the
bottle, stops, throws his bat'telh over his shoulder, pops the
cap, drinks, and howls at the sky.  Then he hands the bottle
back, and says, "It is very good.  Thank you."
     "Snapple, made from the best stuff on Earth."]


     Shot of Kahless, Marguerite and DRG as they emerge from the
edge of the Dark Forest.  The camera turns and rises, revealing a
valley laid out for a tremendous, nearly endless, Klingon
tournament.  We see hundreds and thousands of Klingon warriors in
every kind of contest and battle, fighting with bat'telhs,
swords, spiky boxing gloves, even large rocks and uprooted trees. 
Banquet tables are set up at intervals and each one is the centre
of some brawl or curse-war.  Gradually, the tumult dies down as
everyone turns to stare at the newcomers.
     DRG: "toH tayr 'oH."  ["So, this is Tyre."]  [_Pericles_,
Act I, scene iii, line 1.]
     Marguerite hits him in the ribs.
     DRG weakly points toward Kahless and coughs until he catches
his breath enough to say: "vItlhej."  ["I'm with him."]
     A Klingon in the crowd says to another: "SeyqSpIyr qemta'
qeylIS."  ["Kahless has brought Shakespeare."]
     A chant begins, and gathers strength as those in each
subsequent row join in:
     "HenrIy vaghDIch.  HenrIy vaghDIch."  ["Henry the Fifth! 
Henry the Fifth!"]
     Soon the valley rings with the name.
     "HenrIy vaghDIch."  ["Henry the Fifth!"]
     DRG: "reH Qat."  ["Always popular."]
     Marguerite hits him again.
     The crowd parts suddenly.  Klingons stand back amazed as
Kahless the Unforgettable steps forth from among them and
flourishes a gleaming bat'telh, growling and spitting.
     Kahless the Unforgettable: "jechwI'vam 'Iv."  ["Who is this
imposter?"]
     The Emperor Kahless unsheathes his own weapon and replies:
     "tlhonlI' jIH."  ["I am your clone."]
     "tlhonlij SoH'a'.  'oH vISuqbe'."  ["You are my nostril?  I
don't get it."]
     "'IwlIj jIH."  ["I am your blood."]
     "not puqpu' vIghaj."  ["I never had kids."]
     The crowd murmurs.
     He turns and shouts:
     "puqoypu'wI' tlhIH."  ["You are all my dear children."]
     This sets their minds at ease.  He turns back to the Emperor
Kahless, more annoyed than before.
     "chaq tlhon 'Iw qanob."  ["Perhaps I'll give you a bloody
nostril."]
     "'e' vItIv."  ["I'd enjoy that."]
     "Ha'."  ["Come on."]
     They both sweep their weapons in wide arcs and begin to
circle each other.
     DRG: "bIrchoH.  not thlon may' ghaj SeyqSpIyr."  ["Cool. 
SHakespeare never had a clone-fight."]
     Marguerite kicks the legs out from under him, drops hip-
first onto his ribcage, knocking out all his wind, and stomps off
into the crowd, pushing bystanders aside.  Two Klingons pick him
up.
     One of the Klingons: "yI'ItQo'.  ghItlhmeylIj DIparHa'." 
["Don't be depressed.  We like your plays."]
     Rising crane shot of the two Kahlesses circling within the
ring of spectators.


[Commercial: RCA:
     The flying saucer shines its searchbeam through the wide-
screen TV, whisks away the two black and white doggies, and then
speeds off across the desert.  The dogs appear inside the
spacecraft and the little one immediately begins to mark its
territory, causing a series of catastrophic electrical failures. 
The saucer crashes in New Mexico and the doggies scamper to the
top of a nearby hill to watch the government agencies converge to
spirit the wreckage away.]


     Door Repair Guy circulates through crowds of Klingons in the
firm grip of his two admirers.
     First fan: "bIQtIq Som juSbejpu' ghaH.  bIghItlhta' 'e'
Daqaw'a'."  ["Do you remember you wrote, ''Tis certain he hath
pass'd the river Somme'?"]
     DRG: "luq."  ["Sure."]
     Second fan: "HenrIy vaghDIch, wej, vagh, wa'."  ["_Henry the
Fifth_, Act III, scene V, line 1."]
     DRG: "jIjIv 'e' DaQub'a'."  ["Do you think I'm ignorant?"]
     The first fan reaches over and hits the second.
     "vuvtaHghach yI'agh."  ["Show some respect."]
     "jIthlIj."  ["I apologize."]
     First fan: "Hegh Hech.  jIlugh'a'."  ["It means death.  Am I
right?"]
     DRG swallows hard and tries to imagine the train of thought.
     "Som Hech Somme.  porgh Hech Som.  SommeDaq may' tIn
luSuvta' tera'nganpu'.  vaj bIlugh.  Hegh Hech 'oH."  ["Somme
means hull.  A body is a hull.  The Terrans fought a great battle
at the Somme.  So you're right.  It means death."]
     First fan to second: "qaja'ta'."  ["I told you."]


     In another part of the field Marguerite Duras is searching
for someone.  She pushes her way between the testy denizens of
Sto-Vo-Kor, demanding, "DuraS Dalegh'a'.  nuqDaq Duras."  ["Have
you seen Duras?  Where is Duras?"]
     At last a Klingon points.
     She peers, and then her eyes widen and she hurries forward. 
She grabs the Klingon by the arm and spins him around.
     "Qu'vatlh."  ["Son of a bitch!" (Or words to that effect.)]
     Marguerite: "tughov'a'."  ["Do you recognize me?"]
     Duras: "be'nI' mach.  vaj batlh bIHeghpu'."  ["Little
sister!  So, you have died with honour."]
     "ghobe', qoH.  jIyIntaH."  ["No, fool.  I'm still alive."]
     "chay' DuH."  ["How is it possible?"]
     "lojmIt lo'."  ["I came here through a gateway."]
     He thinks.
     "'oH vIlo'laH'a'."  ["Can I use it?"]
     She smiles, showing all her teeth.
     "matu'."  ["Let's find out."]


[Commercial: Patrick Stewart:
     "When the engineers at Porsche's shuttlecraft stress test
facility wanted to see how much their new type-18 shuttlecraft
would take, they thought of only one man."
     Shot of Nick Locarno at the helm, shouting "Whoo-hoo!!" and
leaning left and right with the G-force.  We see his shuttlecraft
rebound off one asteroid and then another, and then shoot off
with all thrusters firing.]


     The two Kahlesses are locked in personal combat, their
bat'telhs, teeth and foreheads grinding.  Following an initial
free-wheeling phase of thrust and parry the contest has quickly
degenerated into a pushing match, the combatants advancing and
retreating across the same foot or two of ground over and over
again.  The spectators peer and crane to catch each unproductive
move and countermove.
     First spectactor: "QujDaj rurbej QujDaj."  ["They fight very
much alike."]
     Second spectator: "qorDu' rur."  ["Like a family."]
     The stalemate continues, and the spectators continue to
watch.  The stalemate continues to continue.
     First spectator: "naDev potlhbe' poH 'e' Do'."  ["Good thing
time has no meaning here."]
     Second spectator: "naDev potlh poH."  ["Time has meaning
here."]
     First spectator: "ghobe'."  ["No."]
     Second spectator: "HIja'."  ["Yes."]
     First spectator: "jIQoch."  ["I disagree."]
     Second spectator: "toH bIlughHa'.  wanI' tlha' wanI'. 
maghung 'ej maSop.  may'vam tlhap 'Iv.  wISovQo'.  vaj potlh
poH."  ["Well, you're wrong.  Event follows event.  We get hungry
and we eat.  Who will win this fight?  We don't know.  It follows
that time has meaning."]
     First spectator: "bIQIpbej.  'ISjaH wIlo''a'.  jajvam
DaponglaH'a'."  ["You're so stupid.  Do we use the calendar?  Can
you name today?"]
     Second spectator: "potlhHa'."  ["Irrelevant!"]
     First spectator: "potlh."  ["Relevant!"]
     Third spectator: "petam."  ["Quiet!"]
     Kahless the Unforgettable: "wa'maH cha' pem wa'maH cha' ram
je loDnI'wI' moraD vISuvta' jIH."  ["For twelve days and twelve
nights I fought my brother Morath."]
     Emperor Kahless: "vIqaw."  ["I remember."]
     Kahless the Unforgettable: "chomISmoH 'e' DanID.  'ach
bIluj."  ["You're trying to psych me out.  But it isn't
working."]
     Emperor Kahless: "DublIjDaq DIrQIb Daghaj.  bat'telh rur." 
["You have a bat'telh-shaped birthmark on your butt."]
     Kahless the Unforgettable: "pegh."  ["Secret!"]
     Emperor Kahless: "Sov tlhon."  ["A clone knows."]
     Kahless the Unforgettable (backing off and putting down his
weapon): "nuqneH."  ["What do you want?"]
     Emperor Kahless: "mu'."  ["A word."]
     

     Duras and Marguerite emerge from the trees.  The gateway
stands before them.
     Duras smiles and turns to Marguerite.
     "be'nI' QaQ SoH."  ["You are a good sister."]
     She smiles happily and we get a good long look at her dental
work.


     The Defiant streaks on in the company of three Jem'Hadar. 
We see one of them peel away and head for the fight.
     The bridge.
     Sisko: "A little longer and we can make our move."
     Admiral Nechayev swivels the command chair toward him,
thinks, and swivels back toward Dax.
     "Lieutenant.  What do your instruments tell you on the
estimated length of this story line?"
     Dax touches some controls.
     "One more episode at least."
     "This is playing havoc with my appointment book.  Commander,
what say we make our move now?"
     Sisko smiles and nods his head.
     "Lieutenant.  Evasive manoeuvres."
     Shot of the Defiant suddenly flipping over and dodging away
from the two Jem'Hadar.  They bank around and pursue. 


     The bridge of the Vor'cha.  Gowron leans toward the
viewscreen image of Marguerite, the sweat flying from his
forehead, his knuckles white on the arms of his command chair.
     Communications officer: "tam.  reH ta."  ["Sound off. 
Recording running."]
     Gowron: "chach puchpa' jol."  ["Emergency bathroom
beamout!"]
     He disappears in a transporter effect.
     The communications officer steps forward and considers the
viewscreen image of the staring Marguerite.
     "be' HoS."  ["Strong woman."]


------------
Written by Douglas A. McLeod, ai919@freenet.carleton.ca
------------

Episode 35 — The Nostril

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