You Don’t Look Like a Librarian


You're a librarian?!

By The Curmudgeony Librarian and Molly Knapp

We've all faced this in our jobs, the question. Out of the blue and
said with disbelieve. "You're a librarian?!" We shall silent no longer.
Sing out these witty retorts, to those disbelivers.

"You're a librarian?!"

"The Frumpify 5000 transmogrifier was broken the day I graduated."

"You're a librarian?!"

"They make us wait a few years before we can apply for marm
status."

"You're a librarian?!"

"I was absent the day my library school covered sensible shoes."

"You're a librarian?!"

"Would you prefer a wrinkled corpse?"

"You're a librarian?!"

"Well, the other one was eaten by the card catalog. That's why
everything's electronic now."

"You're a librarian?!"

"I am?! I have to alert headquarters then. There's a bug in the
Matrix."

"You're a librarian?!"

"Why yes. The other ones got sick of the stereotypes &
retired."

"You're a librarian?!"

"Well, someone's gotta answer your incredulous questions."

"You're a librarian?!"

"Well the tattoo parlor doesn't open until 5… and I had to find
something to do during the day."

"You're a librarian?!"

"Arrrgh, Matey! We prefer 'Pirates on the Information
Sea'."

"You're a librarian?!"

"It was either this or Pimping."

"You're a librarian?!"

"Hell Yes, I am! And I'll shush your ass in a
heartbeat."

"You're a librarian?!"

"Well, my Village People tribute band already had a Cop and an Indian
Chief…"

"You're a librarian?!"

"I am!? Damn I thought this was just one of those new reality game
shows."

"You're a librarian?!"

"I had to do it, I'm addicted to delicious, delicious toner."

"You're a librarian?!"

"It seemed the best way to corrupt the youth of today."

"You're a librarian?!"

"Blast it all, you've see through my cunning disguise. I guess I have to
move the schedule up to 'Phase three.'"

"You're a librarian?!"

"Does my eye rolling, and sarcastic sigh answer your question?"

"You're a librarian?!"

"Hey, hey, hey, its my reference interview,
I'll ask the questions here."

"You're a librarian?!"

"Yes, I just got hired on here from the post office. I had to go, they said I
was too 'stressed out.'"

"You're a librarian?!"

"Yes. I took the job because I'm secretly in love with Melvil Dewey. He
completes me."

"You're a librarian?!"

"I was going to be a lawyer, but I only minored in evil in college,
so…"

"You're a librarian?!"

"I had to be. I was the only one who passed the typing/swimming test. Have you
ever dragged an IMB Selectric II through 7 feet of water at 30 WPM?"

"You're a librarian?!"

"In the information war, its best not to irritate a resourceful arms
dealer."

"You're a librarian?!"

"You can read?!"

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