War Stories Page 03


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  • Back when I was 17 or so and working in the public library shelving books… I was putting away some videos in the front of the library and this little kid walking by with his mom towards the circ desk turns to me and says very cheerfully "Goodbye Satan man." I almost fell on the floor I was laughing so hard… and this was after I had shaved off my purple mohawk, I looked pretty normal that day.

  • I had an elderly woman that would come in every other week or so. While in the stacks (which were maybe 10 feet away from the my desk, the circulation desk) this woman would pass gas, not silent ones where you just wondered if she really did it, they were loud and sometimes smelly!! One time, she did it as she was checking out her books, she didn't even say excuse me; she acted as if nothing happened!!!

  • The favorite patron of the entire staff is an older gentleman who comes in, makes countless color copies of old photos, newspaper articles, book covers, various historical items, etc, then mails them to us, addressing the envelope and letters to "Librarians". His letters contain his many interesting beliefs on life, notes on living, and other things we just don't need to know. (In one of his latest, he sent pictures, circa 1970, of himself with various beautiful girls. He claimed they were all nurses, and that in total, 50 beautiful, young, single nurses had visited his apartment, which has a lovely view of downtown. He went on to explain that he 'trained' them all to wear black, and that it was all his doing that each of them was now a happily married woman.) The letters are shared in the breakroom, and the 'archives' are housed in the glovebox of my car, so that they can be shared when we drive to meetings, conferences, etc. Much fun to be had. He never mentions the letters, or the photos, and spends many hours here every week. None of us are sure whether we're expected to make mention of his correspondence or not.

  • A student told me he had to do a report on a state. I asked him which state he was researching, and he told me Puerto Rico. When I explained that Puerto Rico was not a state, he told me that perhaps it should become one because then we could move it closer.

  • It was the end of the summer reading program and Ronald McDonald was doing our ending program and helping to call the names of the children so that they could come forward and receive their certificate and prize bag. Weeeelllll Ronald get's to a little girl's name and calls out "Portia So-and-so" and she starts to cometo the front to get her prize. While she was walking forward Ronald jokingly says,"Portia, Portia, Is there a Lamborghini in the house…"BAM!!! Up walks Portia's little sister Lamborghini….(NO LIE THIS IS THIS CHILD'S NAME)…
    Ronald's mouth falls open and he begins to sputter a bit but then I swoop in to save him with Lamborghini's prize bag and certificate. Portia and Lamborghini also have a sister named Mercedes. To boot, at our main library two little girls have started coming to story hour named Lexus and Jetta…

  • My library is in a military town (near Fort Bragg, North Carolina) where we have lots of troops deployed to Iraq/Afghanistan. Last week, we had a female customer checking out "365 Days of Sensational Sex" and a few other similar titles. As the circulation staffer handed her the books, the child with her exclaimed "My daddy's coming home in two days!"

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